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THE MUCH UNSAID

28 Sep

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Even now as goodbye beckons I can smile,
Smile for the many times you my daughter brought Sunshine,
Smile for the many jokes I played on the many un-named,
I smile for I have lived, for the part I’ve played.

It’s not by delusion that I wear this face,
They wonder, they staring helplessly
They getting to know how frail life is,
And they wonder why I smile.

I am ebbing, seeing things I never saw before
Maybe the blood in my eyes shades the familiar,
But then again maybe the unknown beckons,
Beckons with promise of sight, of breath, of life.

Wailing? Yes that is wailing, women’s wailing
Now I see, they hold their breath as if afraid to live
They are waiting, hoping, praying, holding their sons near
I am a son, I am a son! And I smile

Men, how they take charge bursting sinews
Sweating, puffing, thrusting, heaving
A ton and a  few men on top isn’t easy to lift after all
They won’t stop, I should stop them I’m almost done.

I lay beneath my beautiful metallic muscle,
She who once bore me now demands I do the same,
Not unlike the much unsaid that weighs on my mind,
The smiles not shared, precious moments cast in normalcy.

For life is but a moment, and in this moment all others have being
The past almost forgotten, the future departing
The people that mattered, yonder’s plans
The road not travelled, my life my legacy.

I want to cry out, voice all they’ll never know
Hold my wife, a true Queen to a ‘King’
See my daughters smile for one last time,
If not for these then to say “Daddy loves you”.

The crowd gathers, raising dins and wails and hysteria
But I ebb in silence thinking of a safety belt,
In this here moment, when all that matters is goodbye
All I can do is Smile!

@njugunaXavier 2012

Dear Timothy:
For the many times that silence cloaked our days, for the times you were there and your presence as fact of life, for the days when a pat a hug a meal shared was a gesture of habit.
For those many times unmentioned that now seem few, You are loved, will be loved and never forgotten for those few times are all we have of you and they will be forever treasured.
Rest in peace Timo!
Born: 4/12/1988            Died: 22/09/2012

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