Category Archives: Emotions



Even now as goodbye beckons I can smile,
Smile for the many times you my daughter brought Sunshine,
Smile for the many jokes I played on the many un-named,
I smile for I have lived, for the part I’ve played.

It’s not by delusion that I wear this face,
They wonder, they staring helplessly
They getting to know how frail life is,
And they wonder why I smile.

I am ebbing, seeing things I never saw before
Maybe the blood in my eyes shades the familiar,
But then again maybe the unknown beckons,
Beckons with promise of sight, of breath, of life.

Wailing? Yes that is wailing, women’s wailing
Now I see, they hold their breath as if afraid to live
They are waiting, hoping, praying, holding their sons near
I am a son, I am a son! And I smile

Men, how they take charge bursting sinews
Sweating, puffing, thrusting, heaving
A ton and a  few men on top isn’t easy to lift after all
They won’t stop, I should stop them I’m almost done.

I lay beneath my beautiful metallic muscle,
She who once bore me now demands I do the same,
Not unlike the much unsaid that weighs on my mind,
The smiles not shared, precious moments cast in normalcy.

For life is but a moment, and in this moment all others have being
The past almost forgotten, the future departing
The people that mattered, yonder’s plans
The road not travelled, my life my legacy.

I want to cry out, voice all they’ll never know
Hold my wife, a true Queen to a ‘King’
See my daughters smile for one last time,
If not for these then to say “Daddy loves you”.

The crowd gathers, raising dins and wails and hysteria
But I ebb in silence thinking of a safety belt,
In this here moment, when all that matters is goodbye
All I can do is Smile!

@njugunaXavier 2012

Dear Timothy:
For the many times that silence cloaked our days, for the times you were there and your presence as fact of life, for the days when a pat a hug a meal shared was a gesture of habit.
For those many times unmentioned that now seem few, You are loved, will be loved and never forgotten for those few times are all we have of you and they will be forever treasured.
Rest in peace Timo!
Born: 4/12/1988            Died: 22/09/2012


African Woman

African Woman

Hunch not my Queen,
These Burdens you carry with you,
Cast them unto my back.

You’ve tilled enough this African soil to feed your African Child,
Rest, rest Woman;
It’s your turn to eat, let others toil.

Hide your breasts Woman,
Let them sleep, see….
See your child;
How tall he walks, how strong His Arms
Their work is done!

Cry not African Woman, cry no more
See your Daughters, How beautiful they are;
How graceful their step,
Is this not flesh of your flesh?
African Woman, Smile; you are Reborn.

Lift up your eyes Mama,
Cast them Down no more
Look Mama, Behold your Home;
Behold them stare.
Listen, listen Woman
Do you not hear the whispers of their envy.

Hush African Woman, still your tongue
Let others chase after trespassing fowls,
Let them howl at the Quiver Birds.

African Woman Forget your shield,
Drop your ‘assegai’, stand guard no more
African Woman, my Dear Mother
The War is Won!

©njuguna Xavier 2011


Posted by on August 15, 2011 in Emotions, Family, Relationships, Social Issues


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Thief’s Honour

I’m hiding beneath my tunic another’s own,
My fingers clasped in priceless fold.

I hold in my Mind a moments grandeur,
Of birth bleak but existence infinite.

Bourne in Nonchalant cast,
Betraying not the Tempest within;
It ravages my being demanding mention,
to Leave and let Live, to be free.

Were it my lot to give back,
I would in manner equal;
Only to steal it back again!

That which plagues my soul,
That which fills my being with secret longing……

This anothers Kiss!

©njuguna Xavier 2011

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Posted by on April 23, 2011 in Emotions, Relationships




Nyakio, how soon you forget!
Have you forgotten the way we looked into each other’s eyes
As we swung to the rhythm of the ‘Mwomboko’
Daughter of the Earth,
Do you not remember the beads of sweat on my face,
The gyrations of my body or my strong arm on yours

Where was He,
Bone of my bones whence he come from
He of the Munjiru Clan,
He of countless Oxen.

See Nyakio, see how they laugh
Have they too forgotten you were betrothed to me!
Do they not care,
Do they not care that my people will be put to shame.

You with a face as smooth as a baby’s buttocks,
You resembling the hills and valleys of this our land,
You who are rightfully mine;
Is it me you bequeath that scornfull stare!

Daughter of the Earth,
You who now feigns a short memory
I’ll learn to forget, my people too
But the God of Kirinyaga,
He who knows my today and your tomorrow;


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Posted by on April 22, 2011 in Emotions, Family, Relationships


Lost in your prose you were; telling me the vows you made,
like a lukewarm pessimist I read ‘Your talk’ laughing at the everyday attention to nonsense,
I was there yet away, engrossed but unbelieving,
I knew the treason of men
The reason of Vanity
The fear of rejection
And Yes, the inevitability of the culmination of things
The Omega of all that has a Genesis!

I Succumbed silently to your Sweet nothings,
Forgot about Karma,
Passion replaced Reason,
And all was lost!
I could not fathom space without your presence
Reality without your truth.

So you said I Was your yours,
Forever and Always,
Closing my Eyes I Visualized the unsought,
The Possibility of the Impossible.

Now I’ve lost myself to you,
Blind to all that makes Sense,
Not even your betrayal illuminates,

You can learn to love, to know sacrifice
To accept Servitude,
I wait , Yes I wait….

My Silent Suicide

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Posted by on March 3, 2011 in Emotions, Experience, Relationships


I’m stuck in the promise of your dawn
Heard the midnight bell toll
but music to me is the sound of your voice, whispers of sweet nothings never sounded better
I believed because I must, an injustice from ‘stupid-cupid’
Danced to this tune devouring the g-clefs and got drunk on the orchestra of lies
Knew thy being like being naked was running ‘out of stock’
Half asleep but believing I’m awake!
Now dawn approaches: its long fingers cast light on all shadows
Doomed to oblivion, a case of classic rejection
I push u now to the periphery of existence
Almost a fleeting memory
Sunshine has never felt this good!

Ain’t Worth It

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Posted by on March 3, 2011 in Emotions, Relationships


A story I heard, oh so untrue
Trapped in its words was the name of You
Wrapped in flawless diction
And the mention of a few.

Engaging the silent hint of mystery
Retelling the muddled events of History
Captivating, numbing..
A Subtle Seduction of my misery.

Valentine was nigh, cloaked to capture the Eyes
I Bated my breath and stroked her Thighs
Feather kissed her Breasts,quelled her highs
Anticipated her moves,challenging her tries!


Narrating my every emotion,
Animating my devotion,
Fresh like Health,
There goes my Heart.

Sudden like ‘Death’
Oh what Stealth.
With a Kiss……a ‘JUDAS’ touch
You Said Goodbye.

It broke,
Never again whole.
A Bouquet of lies,
Plucked from the fields Of betrayal.

So was the tale,
A moment Ago…
A moment of Silence for sweet Valentine’s!